Sorrow Also Brings Joy

Photograph of Fei Fei and her foster Father was taken in 2007 at an outing for foster families and their children. The event was sponsored by the Chinese Christian Church of Milsons Point, Sydney, Australia.

There is so much we can learn from handicapped children, but Sun Feizhi (nicknamed Fei Fei) taught my staff and I that we should keep on believing in severely mentally challenged children.

Click here to watch a video of Fei Fei

Fei Fei was abandoned on a train in 2002 when she was just four months old. Her parents couldn't be found so the police sent her to our Xining Children's Home. She had numerous disabilities including cerebral palsy and microcephaly, which meant she had an abnormally small head and an underdeveloped brain.

Fei Fei also had difficulty swallowing, and an impaired immune system which meant that she was always catching colds from the other children, so we were glad to find a foster family for her. Two years later her foster mother's health deteriorated and Fei Fei joined her second foster family. This family's love for her can only be described as 'intense'. The parents, who are in their fifties, have a 20 year-old son, and another foster child who is able to attend kindergarten even though she has a mental impairment.

When the foster mother first saw Fei Fei she couldn't stop crying because she couldn't understand how parents could abandon an infant who was in such extreme need. The bond between the mother, father and this child has been extraordinary.

When Fei Fei first arrived in their home, she blinked constantly, her hands were crossed over her chest, and her head was always bowed. She didn't react to anything. But the family, including a Grandma, began massaging her and doing exercises with her early every day. Her foster mother said, "We always talked to her all day and turned on our radio. We also played games with her. These are simple things that mothers and children do with each other."

"We moved a finger back and forth in front of her to get her attention and she began to react. Then we walked around, and called to her: 'Where's Mummy? Where's Daddy?' She started following us with her eyes! Soon she always followed us with her eyes. She began to communicate with us through 'uh' and 'ah' sounds. When we played with her she laughed and smiled at me."

Because of epilepsy and her bone formation Fei Fei couldn't sit up, but she got very excited when she heard her foster father come home because he always hung up his jacket and then picked her up and cuddled her.

Even though Fei Fei was dependent in every aspect of her life, and it took an hour to give her each meal of baby food, this family didn't see her as a burden. When asked what problems she had with Fei Fei, her foster mother replied, "None at all. If I could have my way, I would take care of Fei Fei forever. Compared to other children, I think she has been less lucky, so as long as I have the strength, I want to care for her. Children like this need a warm, loving family more than anything."

Sadly, Fei Fei's little body couldn't cope. Over the Chinese New Year break she was hospitalized, struggling to breathe, despite being on oxygen, because of the phlegm in her lungs. Even then, she kept looking at those who loved her and whenever her foster father visited she seemed to get stronger. We kept up the efforts to save her because it was so clear that she wanted to live.

At 9:20am on Monday, Fei Fei's short life came to an end. Her foster parents came and cleaned her and put a new dress on her.

As I received the news of her passing I was reading this verse in the last book of the Bible, Revelation 21:4: "God will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." It reminded me that God cares when we grieve and that was great comfort to me.

Fei Fei's impact on so many of us is hard to explain. Our staff gave the heart-broken foster parents a lot of counseling but please pray for them, and once again, I ask you to remember our staff in your prayers because these little lives quickly become precious to us and each one leaves us grieving.

Yet we also rejoice that even for a short time, these helpless little ones somehow know they are loved and that with God, they will be forever loved.